Here's to unknown celebrations in the coming months.

Since my birthday a few months ago, there have been various instances that have felt so universally intentional, it's as if the underlying energy that pierces all our hearts with the same connecting thread, has been yelling, "HEY! Hey, you! You know what you're supposed to do! And, even if you don't, I do, so I'll keep throwing all kind of coincidental shit your way to remind you!" (Yes, the higher spiritual energy we're all a part of curses.)

It worked.

My first class was tonight; few times in my life have I felt like I was in the right place at the right time, but this was wholly the feeling this evening.  Which is, in and of itself, so thrilling.  It's even more thrilling, though, as a barometer of all that's to come in these next few months and beyond.  When setting intentions for my practice, I mainly try to stay open to the experience.  But, I would be stifling much intense fervor if I didn't admit to a childlike giddiness about what's ahead.  And, though I'm aware of impending discomfort and difficulties - to which my very stiff down-dogs tonight could attest - they do not diminish my palpable enthusiasm for what this whole, crazy transformation is going to consist of.

So my intentions are to be open and giddy.

My instructor tonight passed along the insight, "Stop living in wishful thinking and live in the world you wished you lived in."  Because when one stops wishing and starts living, there are serious changes and serious choices that are scary and uncomfortable, even if those means give the desired end.  It's a hell of a lot easier to not make difficult changes and keep wishing things would magically change on their own than to actually employ decisive change. This seems to be exactly where I've been.  For this, tonight's intense relevance holds particularly incredible meaning. The most pivotal choice was that I stepped into that program tonight - and I was met with a resounding "Shazam!"  This is what I've been wishing for, for a long time and I stopped wishing and started living tonight.

So it begins.

I'm not entirely sure I'm writing this for anyone but myself.  Which, is generally the idea.  The point, though, is that it's on the interwebs, which means, potentially, someone might come across this self-indulgent open-journal of mine and decide to take a peek into my crazy musings.  Which, in turn, will serve as a means of accountability to someone other than myself.  Because, if I'm honest with myself, I'm not so good at keeping myself honest.  Exactly.  So here goes.

I'm about to embark upon a yoga teacher training program tomorrow.  I'm endlessly excited about this for several reasons:

1) I love yoga.  Everything about it - from the smell of nag champa in a studio to the sutras of the oldest yogis ever known - I love it all.

2) Up to this point in my life, I have had, generally, no idea what to pursue as a career.  Yoga is something I am passionate about and I think it's always a good idea to try and turn passion into your life's work.

3) I am always looking for an opportunity to create moments in my life that I can look back on as "life-changing."  Due to the aforementioned failure to keep myself honest, however, I seem to just look back on a lot of failed and missed opportunities.  Not this time, sister. (Or, brother.) This is six months of life-changingness.

That's right - Life Changingness.  I have devised a list of what I want to do for the next six months on a daily basis.  And, I'll admit, some if it sounds a bit extreme, a bit ascetic... but, that's kind of the point.  Nothing I'm giving up is vital to my well-being; in fact, many of these things are detrimental.  And, the others are just common sense.  And it's all an active practice in Life-Changingness.  Not just as a moment, but as a rebirth of what I want to be and what I want to become.  As far as I can tell, these "moments" don't just occur in a moment.  Rather, it's a series of many singular moments.  And, I'm at the outset of my parade of moments.  I hope.

I have a real knack for kicking myself in the ass.  And, shooting myself in the foot.  In fact, my feet and my ass are in dire need of a bit of a rest.  With total disclosure, I am a girl that has had a few beasts thrown her way in this life and, as a result of those and of your run-o-the-mill genetic predispositions, have been diagnosed with yet other beasts, including bipolar disorder and eating disorders.  These things tend to make it difficult, at times, to foster genuine love and affection for oneself - be it mind, body or soul - but, it is my intention to also conquer these things along the way.

My training program ends December 5th, 2010.  Until then, I am determined to:

1) Eat completely vegan, mostly raw foods.
2) Consume no intoxicants, including alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, caffeine, or sugar.
3) Eat with moderation, toleration, and acceptance.
4) Stay properly hydrated.
5) Stay properly rested.
6) Foster genuine love, respect, and acceptance of who I am.
7) Attend yoga class at least six times per week.
8) Be honest and genuine with myself and those I with who I am in contact.
9) Meditate daily.
10) Be genuinely open to the experience I am about to undertake, complete with the emotions, feelings, actions and ideas I am sure to endure.

So, on this, the eve of my maiden voyage as yogini in training, I thank you for taking the time to put a little wind in my sails.  Hope you'll stick around.

Holly